Like most people who have a passion for writing, I find the words written to function like my confessional booth. Pen and paper or the html of a blog serve as my place of release to put forth something of an honest expression of my own reality. In the background is what I have considered a theme song of sorts "The Outsiders" by NEEDTOBREATHE. And the overwhelming and uncapturable thought is a more a question than a statement: "am I being me?"
In the intrigue of my youth, I wanted to be the fashion trend setter. You know the one kid that broke all the rules with how they dressed, the wore their hair, the bands they listened to. Sort of Rebel without a Cause meets Project Runway collides with a VH1 Behind the Music episode. But competing with that notion was the me that lacked confidence that tried so hard to just fit in. So instead of thrift store shopping for an old TAB t-shirt to wear with polyester plaid trousers and some Chuck's. I went to JCPenney to buy normal clothes. While this blog is quickly becoming about my fashion sense or really more that lack there of, I have a point. Which is my original question: "am I really me?"
I feel like the past several years have been sort of Shrek like, peeling back the layers of the onion of my life. While I no longer am in constant mode of trying to please everyone else or shape my life into the image of who they think I am, I am not sure I have reached the stinky core of my onion to purest ME. So maybe the answer to the question is something like that I am still finding myself. This much I am sure of: I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of an amazing God. And the more I get to know this God, the more I think I get to know me. John the Baptist said this of Jesus "I must decrease, so that HE (Jesus) can increase."
So this is my conclusion: whether shirt and tie or an old mechanics shirt with the name Ralph stitched on, HE is making me, me!
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